Dear Dirk,
As an FIU Business student who works full-time, I find it hard to get adequate study time. Do you have any tips to maximize limited study time?
Sincerely,
Busy
Dear Busy,
Unless you’re on the lam for a murder you didn’t commit, it’s okay to use your real name. Now, I find a major flaw in your reasoning: you say you have limited time, so you think using that time better will help? No. What you should be thinking about is how to get more time to begin with. Which brings me to my point, you can’t have a job and be a student at the same time. Heck, I didn’t even have a job for seven years after being a student. I accomplished this the same way I go camping, living off the land. You’ve got to take advantage of the environment you find yourself in.
The first thing you’re going to want do to, besides quit that useless job of course, is get in a relationship. A significant other can provide up to three free meals a week. This is much easier if you’re a girl, you just need to dress like you hate your father. For guys, it’s a bit more difficult. First, if you don’t know how write poetry, learn fast. Women will only provide for you if you bill yourself as the starving artist type.
Now that you’ve got your source of food, you’ll need petty cash. I suggest hanging around any parties on campus and waiting until morning; a guy who’s in an alcohol-induced coma is not going to notice a few bucks missing from his wallet. All that’s left is somewhere to sleep. Now, unless you have a dorm, rich parents, or a senile neighbor, I’ve got the perfect place for free on-campus rest. I don’t know if things have changed since I was there, but there should be a floor level vent in the northwest corner of the Green Library. Right before closing, promptly unscrew the nuts, get in and screw back in the nuts. It’s essentially the perfect sleeping bag, it gets warm when it’s cold outside and cold when it’s hot outside. In conclusion, fountain water is completely sterile and safe to drink.
Dirk O’Dowel
