Many FIU students were baffled, upon entering DM 100, to find Professor Oliver Speer asleep at his desk while a projector was playing what appeared to be his personal Netflix account. Students reported that it seemed to only be playing episodes of the hit NBC sitcom Friends, with the option to keep playing indefinitely turned on.
While the vast majority of students simply left, a small minority of determined overachievers attempted to wake Speer to find out what was going on. Speer, according to eyewitnesses, responded by asking if it was lunch yet, and upon being informed it was only ten in the morning, told students to leave him alone using what can only be described as very archaic profanities. He then poured himself a drink from a large unlabeled bottle, and promptly went back to sleep. PantherMEOW reporters have uncovered that Speer was recently given tenure at the university.
Our reporter Dirk O’Dowel sat down with Speer to better understand his radical change in teaching style. While Speer did not have time for a full interview before heading to the Miccosukee Indian Casino, he did give a brief, colorful statement: “I’ve been working hard for over forty years. Forty years of grading tests, of parents bitching about their kids failing, of having to wake up early enough to get good parking. Well not anymore! It’s not retirement but its damn close! You got a problem with how I teach? Then I advise you to throw yourself under the nearest Panther Mover, cause I ain’t changing shit! The university says I have to at least have class to get paid, so Its A’s for everyone now on if you just shut up and watch some Friends.” He concluded by quickly lifting his closed fists and knocking them together twice – any fan of Friends would know exactly what he was saying with the gesture.
We attempted a follow up interview later, when Speer was sober. However, it appears that Speer’s office hours are now from 1:00 AM to 1:01 AM. At the time this article was written, the MAC 1105 class is now completely full and wait listed for the next five years.
